


I'll Protect You From The Wars That Rage Inside Your Brain

by cuddlylams (orphan_account)



Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: Gilbert is non-binary, Hamilton - Freeform, I apologize in advance, John has PTSD and forgets to take his meds, Laflams, Multi, PTSD, john deserves the best honestly, why do I always write sad stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 19:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8222203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/cuddlylams
Summary: John Laurens has Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. One morning he forgets to take his pills and the nightmares begin.





	

"Alexander.." John whined, wrapping himself tighter around Alex's body. 

Alexander let out a small yawn and buried the both of them tighter in Gilbert's chest. Gilbert stirred a bit, grabbing onto Alexander's hip. Though, they didn't awake. 

"What's up sleepy baby?" Alexander smiled,

"My head hurts." John mumbles, letting his head rest in the crook of Alex's chest. This made him frown, however,

"Oh no.. baby, do you want me to go get you aspirin or some wat-"

"It's not that type of headache."  
It was dull, lying in the front his head. It was a fear headache.

The worst kind.  
-  
John had severe PTSD. It was all his fault too (well... at least he thought so). When he was 18, he entered into the Navy. He left the comforts of home -of Alex and Gilbert- to fight on the raging seas.   
It was always something he knew he wanted to do. He wanted to be a hero.   
Though, he never thought that he'd have to watch his own friends die right before him, savagely murdered by an ambush attack in his fourth year of service.   
He blamed himself. If he had been on the deck that morning instead of down in the hold, maybe he could have saved them. But maybe he would've died, and sometimes he thinks that might've been better than having to deal with the constant flashbacks and wallowing guilt. The idea of being without Alexander and Gilbert terrified John- rather, the idea of not having John come home scared the two men. They'd get worried when his letters were late, but they'd all show up eventually. Letters were written constantly. Stories, day to day aspects, news. But all Alex and Gil really wanted was to have John back in their arms.

After 5 years of service, that's exactly where he went. But being a hero came with a cost. John was diagnosed with Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. His only two options were to be numb and forget everything, or not take the medication and get the violent flashbacks and nightmares. Being numb scared him, but it was the choice he made.  
-

John squeezed his eyes shut, breathing growing more rapid as his heart started beating faster. He began to sweat, headache growing from dull to piercing. He cried out, digging his head hard into Alex's chest. 

"Oh god, Gil, Gilbert! Wake up," Alex spoke quickly, shaking them. Gil awoke abruptly confused as to what was going on,  
"he forgot to take his medicine." 

Gil's eyes went wide and they quickly sprung out of bed, mumbling a string of cusses as they ran out of the room. 

Alexander wrapped one of his arms tightly around John's back and used his free hand to run his fingers through his hair.

"Baby girl, it's okay, you're okay, you're safe. Nothing will ever happen to you." Alex spoke quietly

"Something should've happened to me. I-I shouldn't have survived I don't deserve it, all of the men and women who died should still be here and here not. It's all my fault!" John yelled into Alex's chest, tears spilling out of his eyes. 

"No, John, baby listen to me. You survived for a reason, you didn't leave us because it wasn't your time. You're an angel, you're my angel and I never want you to forget that. You are beautiful, and handsome, and adorable and lovely and I'm so utterly in love with you. We're going to take some deep breaths okay princess?"

John brought himself closer to Alex and nodded a bit. 

"Deep breath in... and out. There you go baby, just like that breathe in... breathe out." Alexander spoke quietly, taking the deep breaths with him. The tears still soaked through Alex's shirt, but he felt John's breathing slow down. Alex hummed softly to him, rubbing his back gently.   
Gil comes back into the room, two light blue pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Alexander managed to sit John up into his lap, arms wrapped tightly around his stomach.   
John looked like he had been to hell and back. His hair was glued to his face with sweat, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes bloodshot and swollen. Alexander and Gil hated seeing John like this. It broke both of their hearts.

"Stick your tongue out for me baby girl." Gil says softly. John sticks his tongue out, still shaking in Alex's arms. They placed the little pills on his tongue, and held up the glass of water to his lips. John swallowed hard, coughing a bit. He took more of the water, attempting to quench the thirst lying in the back of his throat. Gil set the water down on the side table and clambered over the both of them. They settled in next to Alexander, and he wrapped his arm around Gil's shoulder, bringing him in close. Gil laid their arm across John's tummy, letting their fingers trace little shapes into John's side. John closed his eyes lightly, sinking into the comfort of his partners.   
The pills slowly took effect on him, setting his brain into a numbing daze. It was comforting. His thoughts were erased until all he could feel was the warmth of the bodies next to him. He sighed softly, wetting his lips. 

"I don't think I have the proper words to say how thankful I am for the two of you. I truthfully don't know where I'd be with you. You're my angels and I love you, I love you both so fucking much. You always care for me and protect me, and I know I have my episodes and I know they terrify both of you. I can see it in your eyes. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I need to put you through that." John talks softly, playing with Gil's fingers. 

"My love, there's no reason for you to be sorry. We love you exactly the way you are and we wouldn't change you for the world. You're our everything, you're the best thing that has happened to the both of us. John you're beautiful, and I should truly say that more often because your beauty is overwhelming. You're incredible and adorable and you are my favorite being on this entire planet." Gil smiled up at John.   
It was the complete and honest truth. Alexander and Gil loved John with all of their deepest devotion. John felt as if he was going to cry again. But this time, the tears would've been happy. John couldn't believe how he had gotten so lucky. He turned his head planting a firm kiss to Gil's lips, and then Alex's.

Alexander and Gilbert were like angels to John. They protected him and made sure he was always safe. John could never thank them enough for that. He loved them with every bit of him, and when he was with them he finally felt at home.


End file.
